survivinreality

Irrational Thinking – What is it and How Do I Deal With It?

One of the many things you are bombarded with when you go through any type of distress or anxiety of any level, are the irrational thoughts your brain comes up with while feeling the way that you do. Whatever that feeling is...  Nervous, moody, stressed, upset, angry, sad, and so on. The definition for ‘irrational’ is not consistent with or using reason.  You have thoughts that do not seem to make sense to what is going on around or with you.  As somebody with a severe level of anxiety, the irrational thoughts are what keep you stuck in a loop. It makes me wonder if social anxiety and other anxiety disorders are just one irrational disorder. Is this what an outside view of the people view it as because their memory doesn’t seem to be clouded with such large amounts of irrational thinking. They hear the anxiety sufferer tell them how fearful they are of certain things and are completely baffled by how it is even a problem. Therefore the stigma of not wanting to explain it to others comes in, and since you cannot see the problem to make any proof that what you think about something is true or real. It sure as hell feels very real to you and quite embarrassing to have to tell your story to somebody either close to you or a professional.  Even though the sufferer knows they are thinking irrationally; it doesn’t stop them from thinking those kinds of thoughts. It is why the stigma continues because they will assume everyone will laugh at them, turn them down, or think less of them for having such irrational fears and thinking patterns.

Everybody has irrational thinking. So why is it such a big deal to be thinking with no reason or inconsistently? I’ll let you fill in the blanks on that one. Personally, I find it a big deal because irrational thinking can cause you to do stupid things in general. It is when you know what you need to do and you don’t want to do it so you make up some excuse to others or yourself to not follow through with whatever it was you need to do. It is those thought bubbles in your head you don’t always need to share – but you share them anyway. It is how you view things very distortedly like a puzzle all put together nicely then taken apart all scattered on the ground. I think you get the picture – or do you?

How I deal with my own irrational thinking is not always rational. I will think of worst case scenarios, make comparisons with others, forgetting to do something on purpose. A very important one is setting high expectations for myself and others. I will filter the good thoughts out and discard them as people just being polite to me if it is a compliment.  I’ll focus on the bad things that happened instead of the good things that happened on a particular day or event. A lot of people with depression have an excessive amount of irrational thinking. Of course there are other things that play a role in it but the way they view the world, themselves and others can be very irrational. I find it kind of funny strange how most people are able to receive support and help about their depression in so many ways. That everywhere you look, there can be an ad or article about feeling down and how to deal with it. But if there is mention about anxiety it tends to remain behind closed doors so to speak. People are not as open about the idea that a friend or family member has irrational fears to overcome and they aren’t as supportive or understanding of it because it is hard to deal with something you cannot see physically. The unpredictability of the person’s behaviour or not knowing their reaction to something is uncomfortable to manage. Well I had done a lot of thinking about this so called stigma amongst us and realized there ARE ways to notice someone is struggling with anxiety and other emotional/mood disorders.  When someone you know is acting different, say a very outgoing person suddenly becoming extremely withdrawn in multiple situations. Their body language while they are talking to you, most may view it as ‘the cold shoulder’, or not interested in something. How they express themselves to you can be a big sign. It is said that if someone experiences depression or anxiety of any sort for at least six months straight then it is considered a disorder. A disorder is when the person doesn’t feel able to control their emotions or thoughts and what they do on a daily basis. They don’t know how to deal with it and don’t know why they feel that way. It is the state of confusion.  With many possible causes I would be confused to not know exactly why and what was going on with me. The only sure way of knowing is to simply ask them what is troubling them and even if they seem in denial or resistant about it. Help them find ways to make it easier for them without being judgemental.

One eye opener is that anxiety and depression go hand in hand with each other. Depression can have so many different causes that some feel anxious about sharing their dark feelings with others. Generally if the depression is treated, you should feel better again. With an anxiety disorder it never really goes away because of the anxiety. You feel better then anxiety bites you. You may end up defeating some fears, then feel behind in certain areas because of it. You have to rebuild your self-esteem from the ground up pretty much. That feels like such a daunting task to work through – AND THEN YOU ARE DEPRESSED AGAIN! You wonder ‘when the heck am I going to feel happy and anxiety-free again?’ Did that short paragraph sound depressing to you? Yeah? It is a battle I go through on a daily basis. I do not consider myself depressed anymore. I do have to work on my self-esteem and confidence which will take some time as I defeat the dragon from within me. So yes, I may sound very pessimistic or negative at times. From all the years I have missed social events, I’m still learning how to handle certain social interactions and events as though I am still 17-years-old; THAT does depress me to no end.

How does one deal with the (excessive) irrational thoughts – mainly myself?  I do not ignore and suppress them; doing that will cause me to be more anxious than I am already. I do not acknowledge every single one of them since that would be exhausting to me. I challenge them! I find a core belief (the main thought behind a fear) and I’ll test it out even if it’s only for a short time; increasing the time and level of discomfort until I no longer feel anxious about it. When I am not in challenge mode and not doing anything to help lessen those thoughts, it can be quite overwhelming and exhausting. It doesn’t matter who I am with, where I am or what I am doing – I always feel like I’m being hunted is the best way I can describe it to you. I am always on edge that over time my body starts to become achy and very tense. Being socially anxious can wear me out when I do take part in a social event because I am in a constant fight or flight mode for the entire duration of the event. My irrational thoughts come pouring in one after another like a waterfall. The only way to deal with it is to go through it. By going through it I mean an anxiety attack to allow your mind to be free from the irrational thoughts you have about something or someone.  It is important to not stop until you feel calm or relaxed again.

As a person who has to deal with this on a daily basis, I feel like this anxiety has stolen so many things from me. I never wanted to share with anyone the level of fear I have towards every day things that seems like the average person has no trouble with at all. I never wanted to share my irrational thoughts because I didn’t want to offend anybody. I didn’t want anyone to treat me like I was a china doll either. I feel like many people hear of the irrational thinking and believe the person is making excuses or being lazy about not wanting to do something. I personally believe that there is some truth to that, however, it doesn’t help the individual move forward if you point out all the bad things that have happened or threatening them to do something without trying to understand them first.  We do make excuses, we aren’t lazy about it – all we want is for someone or a group of people to help, and support and understand us. We want someone who isn’t going to be judgemental when there is something we struggle with that may sound silly to many. We want you to help us realize that on our own by guiding us in the right direction but not controlling or manipulating us to your own ways. If I tell you that I am terrified of waiting in line by myself at a store because I don’t want to talk to anyone or fumble with my money. I don’t want you to laugh at me or abandon me because of it. I want you to ask me about it and help me with it on my own level – not yours.

The irrational thoughts may stop us in our tracks but it does not make us blind to other things that go on in our lives. The stigma attached to it is from how it can be portrayed to the general public. On several occasions I was told I was being really rude and impolite for not saying anything when I was just extremely anxious at the time. In school I never did very well because I wouldn’t speak up in the class and they figured if they pressured me about it – I would speak eventually. Just ask me and I’ll happily explain to the best of my ability of what is bothering me. A lot of people do not prefer to talk about their anxiety since they do not want to be treated differently or they feel others just will never understand them at all so what is the point in trying.  As strange as it sounds; in order to get help, you have to ask for help, you need to allow people to help you get better.

You fear people. You ask people for help. You get support from people. You conquer your fears of people. You get better. It is a very, very slow process but it is possible. Never give up on people and people will never give up on you. :)

Have a great day everyone – Happy Holidays!!!
Your bestest best friend, Jessie :)