As some of you may know already that I have a huge fear of using the phone invention or phone device such as Skype. It has always been at the top of my list of anxiety situations. I've avoided it for years since I didn't like how I sound on it. The way I handle the conversation and dealing with the anxiety symptoms at the same time. I can only recall a handful of times in my life for actually having a phone conversation with anybody that wasn't appointment related. This fear has been stopping or rather stunting my progress to overcome the social anxiety and move forward in my life.
The physical symptoms I get while using it is the following:
Unsteady voice
Blushing
Heart Palpitations
Sweating
Dry Throat
Shaking or Trembling
Mind racing - blank out in mid-sentence.
These symptoms I experience whether the person can see me or not. I feel the symptoms so strongly that I sometimes will just shut down in my mind and become mute. As a result of doing that I will want to and find a way to end the conversation so I don't have to use the phone. I don't like the discomfort it brings to my body and mind simultaneously. Too overwhelming for me. After I manage to talk to someone on the phone. I worry about how I sounded to them. I will rehash the situation over and over again in my mind; sometimes regretting what I did or did not do during the whole thing. The telephobia is rated so high as 95/100% that even just thinking about it sets my mind into overdrive. I experience the physical symptoms. Possibly even cry out of frustration about it. I absolutely hate feeling this way.
My psychologist had suggest to me to use Skype as a start to overcome this fear of using the phone. She said I can just talk to people I feel comfortable with for the time being. Well after getting myself an account and testing it out a few times with my mom and sister. I avoided using it for a few weeks because I just did not feel I could break the invisible wall. Until last week I told myself that I really want to get better. I really want to talk to my friend who has been wanting to Skype with me for awhile now. She has been supportive of me overcoming my anxiety; even if she doesn't fully understand it. I wrote out a bunch of questions for her to answer about a possible Skype conversation. It was encouraged by my psychologist to ask lots of questions. I had an anxiety attack with thinking of the questions, then mentioning it and asking my friend about it. She answered them with no issues and thought it was a great thing to do.
On Monday(yesterday, Nov 28th) we had a Skype conversation together in the morning. We agreed to have a video chat but her camera didn't want to turn on. I did have a brief moment of panic when she told me since I prefer face-to-face over just the call feature. The call feature is similar to the real phone. Although I guess it is like a speaker phone which I don't mind as much. So anyway despite the panic and anxiety attack over it. I did agree to talk to her on Skype and so I let her call me. I accepted and there was silence at first haha. I ended up saying 'Hello' to start the conversation. I won't tell you exactly how our conversation went since it was pretty random. I explained to her throughout how my anxiety was slowly going down. A few times I did blank out in my mind but instead of being a mute and ending it. I was open with her how I felt and that I was just 'having a moment' to recollect my racing thoughts. The goal was to talk for at least ten minutes with her on Skype and we actually talked to each other for almost an hour and a half haha... it was awesome. It was fun and I feel it went super amazingly well. I want to do that again with her =D Thank you Kayla!
I still have a long way to go because I don't like talking to someone when others are nearby. I get major anticipatory anxiety with using Skype. I feel like I can slowly manage and reduce the physical symptoms about using Skype right now though. The first time is always the most nerve-wracking to do. My anxiety for Skyping with my friend went from a 95% to a 15% by the end of it.
I'll blog again soon. I have a few ideas up my sleeve. Just have to find the time to do it :P I hope everyone has a terrific day!
Your bestest best friend, Jessie :)
P.S. The writer's block question for today is "What is your favourite flavour of ice cream?" Mine is Butterscotch Ripple without the nuts in it ^_^
- Social Anxiety Recovery Blog #37 - Telephobia Progress.
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survivinreality- November 29th, 2011
giggly
What is your favourite flavour of ice cream?
2011-11-29 10:16 pm (UTC)